The Twenty Rules Of Being An Internet Activist

1. You are always right, never at any moment reflect on yourself in a critical way. You are a super smart special snowflake and the sheeple better recognize.

2. Your opinions are the only good opinions always and forever. Smart people always belittle and dismiss any remotely different worldview because they already have the right opinions, so what the fuck are they going to do with knowledge that doesn't reinforce preconceived notions? Also, reading books is obsolete, get all your book-learning from blogs, they're quick, free, and have absolutely no fact-checkers or peer review!

3. Make an echo chamber. Do not allow critical comments on your art (read: demotivators and google image search photos with pithy quotes photoshopped on) Surround yourself with like minded people and keep 'em close, don't be afraid to block and delete comments from the heathens. The one true sign of a free-thinking, brilliantly intellectual individual is that he endlessly parrots talking points from his fellow circlejerkers.

4. Learn the US Constitution. It's the only constitution that applies due to how much freedom is contained within its words. The First Amendment grants you the freedom to speak your mind without any repercussions or consequences and anyone who criticizes you is obviously a fascist or a communist. Or perhaps both.

5. Strawman arguments are the best way to respond to haters. When you make a strawman, it's witty satire, when the other guy does it, it's terrible and immature and he should be ashamed of himself.

6. Evangelize for the cause. You need to win people's minds if you're going to be the intellectual juggernaut you know you are. The best way to win someone is to call them names and inform them that they wouldn't be so damn stupid if their opinions were your opinions.

7. Pick a cause and never, ever, ever shut up about it. Make pictures about it, write poorly formatted rants about it, make stamps about it, do whatever you can as often as you can. You're not obsessed, you're dedicated.

8. Your opinions are right even when they contradict themselves. For example: If someone you like got elected, it's clearly the people speaking out in favor of what's right. If they don't win the election, then it's clear proof that democracy doesn't work because the peasants are too stupid and impure to understand that you alone know what's best for everyone and that this vile tyranny of the majority vote must be overthrown and replaced by either an anarchist society (because Anarchy always works wonderfully, see Somalia or the Spanish Civil War.)or a dictatorship helmed by someone who represents all your opinions (Power won't corrupt them because your side is morally better and won't do such things as kill dissenters by the thousands like Pinochet or Jorge Videla.)

9. The other side is both a crazy, irrational minority or an evil oppressive monolithic force of evil, depending on whether or not you got your way in the recent election cycle.

10. Always have a witty rebuttal ready when you debate someone. A good ice burn will show off your impressive wit. Some funny ones are: "enjoy being wrong" "Typical libtard/Fascist" and "You are literally a Nazi"

11: Your opinions on morality, science, and everything is totally objective fact and everyone else must recognize this. You know who believed that morality was subjective in a lot of ways and that other cultures and perspectives had merit? The Nazis, that's who!

12: If you're ask to explain your worldview, make sure you use disingenuous, misleading language and spice it up with glittering generalities, like "Libertarianism is the radical belief that freedom is good", "Feminism is the radical belief that rape is a horrible crime" or "Conservativism is personal responsibility" or "Juche shall pave the way for a glorious unified Korea"

13: If someone disagrees with you, it means that they also support everything you don't like. Just like how every single person who didn't vote for Ron Paul supports wiretapping,endless war, baby rape, higher taxes,illegal immigrants, cannibal rape orgies,and the forced extinction of puppies and angels. This is flawless logic and does not in any way make you look like a petulant manbaby.

14: If at first you don't get your way. Demand a bloody revolution. How else will the powers that be know that your movement is rational and compassionate if you don't loudly fantasize about watering the tree of liberty with the blood of people who don't have your very obviously correct opinions?

15: Your problems, no matter how insignificant or petty, are the biggest problems in the world. How can those fucking ingrates in Syria complain about the military bombing their houses when the fascists made you go to jury duty?

16: Accusing other people of being arrogant when you do nothing but scream about your pet ideology from the rooftops and refuse to deal with any criticism is not hypocritical in the least.

17. If science supports your viewpoint, it's fine. If science dares to contradict your viewpoint, then what do those fucking eggheads know? They're stupid.

18.If you surround yourself with ass-kissers who tell you you're a genius, that makes you right.

19. The best form of dialogue is bumper-sticker level shit. All you need is a slogan and a mean name for the opposite side and you're set.

20. Getting banned from a website is censorship, banning people from your circlejerk for disagreements isn't.